Friday, June 27, 2014

Sometimes a Girl Just Needs a Cheeseburger - The Art of the Repeat

This week’s post is not what I had hoped it would become. This week has become a lesson in humility, pride management and plain ole stupidity. Ouch. That was hard to admit. 

Week 2
Tuesday, June 24, 2014

5 minute warm up, alternate 90 seconds of running and 2 minutes of walking with 5 minute cool down.
When I got to the gym today all I could think was: THIS IS WEEK 2! This is so much bigger than week 1. Anyone can do week 1 when the fun and excitement are new, but week 2! This is where it gets real, where the true commitment starts and I will not fail! Looking back, this was somewhat the correct attitude to have, but I really should have listened to my husband. (insert another ouch!) My dear husband, on the treadmill next to me, says: Did you increase your time to week 2? Maybe you should consider repeating week 1 and work into it so you don’t hurt yourself.” Looking back, this is when I should have humbly agreed with him, however, that is not what happened when I opened my mouth to reply. Now, my mother often reminded me as a child that I tend to have the propensity to utilize the open-mouth-insert-foot method of communication. I thought I had really grown past that, but I looked into the eyes of my concerned spouse and this is what spilled out of my mouth: No. This is week 2 and I will stay the course!!!! (I actually used some colorful metaphors but you get the idea).

I can tell you exactly the moment I hurt myself. It was minute 17. I was excited because I was half done and, while this workout had been REALLY strenuous, I was close to being done. It came time for my next 90 second run and 60 seconds into it I panicked. Now, I am not the kind of person to panic publicly and I have a high pain threshold. Having three children virtually drug free taught me that when pain gets out of control and you start to lose command of yourself, the best thing to do is slow down, breathe deeply and focus on something to distract yourself. When I felt my workout getting away from me and I started to panic, I should have immediately listened to my inner self who was screaming SLOW DOWN YOU IDIOT!! I finally did manage to slow down and focus but it was too late. I had panicked. I had run too quickly with bad form and now I am paying the price. My right knee is swollen and painful and I will not be able to complete the rest of my workouts this week because I did not listen to my husband, to myself or to my own body that was telling me to stop.
I started this blog to not only share my thoughts and progress, but to keep myself accountable and honest. This commitment to self-honesty makes this week’s post especially hard, because who likes opening themselves up to the world, right? Well, let’s rip off this band-aid and get it over with. The hard truth is that I have the heart and I have the power to become who I want to be, however, I am starting my journey at the bottom of a very tall mountain. It is no one’s fault that I begin here. I have placed myself here due to years of self-indulgence and neglect (can I get another ouch). All of the passionate speech and encouraging writing does not change the fact that this is damn hard and at times, discouraging work. Most people who know me would say that I am a happy, kind person, but I am here to tell you that there is part of me inside that finds it easier to say “screw you world” and would prefer to depart upon a voyage of self hate and pity rather than be chipper and get on the tread mill. It is so much easier to sit on the sofa and eat cheesy poofs, but that path leads to a dreadful place and I have been there, gotten the t-shirt and I don’t want to go back. So, I choose this day, and must decide each day forward to recommit myself to the correct path. I must decide anew to keep making good choices and to promise to myself that I will never give up. I may break down and eat a cheeseburger every now and again, but I will never give up. Just as the sun rises each morning and commits to a new day, I too must rise each day and commit to my goals.

I want to leave you with this thought. The word repeat has gotten a bad rap in our society. If you fail a grade, you must repeat it. If you do not pass a test, you must repeat it. We call old TV shows repeats and change the station. I am here today to tell you that it is time the word repeat gets a new identity. Instead of viewing a repeat with a negative connotation, I encourage you to see it as a fresh start. How wonderful that child gets to repeat that grade and take the time to learn what they missed. Praise God for repeats on tests!! Be thankful for the repeat TV show that lets us relive the laughter and fun from days gone by. Today is my repeat day. I will embrace the splendid joy of being able to wipe my board clean and start over. I now pass the challenge on to you. What will you do with your fresh start?

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